The Lord is close to the brokenhearted...

Less than a week after my last post, October 22, my world was shook up. I got the most horribly phone call I have ever received. I have tears in my eyes as I remember that terrifying moment. I was in my bathroom in the early evening watching Aubriella play in the bathtub and Adaleigh dance and sing next to me when my phone rang. I picked up to hear my mom in hysterics. Every horrible thought crossed my mind at that very moment. She was sobbing so much she could barely breathe or get a word out. Was she being attacked? Did she get in a car accident? Did my grandmother go to be with Lord? Every thought that crossed my mind wasn't even close to what she was trying to tell me. "Bethany just died". I finally understood her, but wish I didn't. Before it could even sink in or shock me to my core, I started sobbing, wailing, and crying with her. 

My heart is so broken. It has been almost 2 months since that day, and my heart is still so crushed. There will always be a little void there where Bethany was. I have grieved a lot. I am still grieving. Bethany was one of the most amazing people I have ever known in my life. We were born exactly two weeks apart. We always called each other "Best Cousins". We were just that. Every family function we were inseparable. Throughout our lives as cousins, we became friends. Not many people get to share the special bond that Bethany and I had. She was one of the reasons why I have a relationship with the Lord. I could write a book about all the wonderful memories I have of her from our toddler years up until this past summer. We were roommates in college and she was my maid of honor in my wedding. 

Every time we got together whether it was months between or days, we always picked up where we left off. We would talk about hilarious past times, like popping the bean bag chair when we were in elementary school, making up crazy songs or dances in middle school, head-banging to the band Skillet in high school, singing out the window of our dorm room to random people walking by in college, or getting lost on Georgia back roads in our early 20s. Every time we got together, we would create new memories. And then we would talk and dream about our future. I am deeply saddened when I think about and realize that Bethany won't be there if and when I'm old and gray sitting in my rocking chair on my front porch. We used to laugh about being old ladies together one day, but acting like we were still gonna be teenagers at heart. We knew that friends come and go... but we were family. We would always be there. 

I am so so thankful for that. I am so thankful that I had a best friend in my cousin. There is a bond there that no one will ever replace. I am so thankful that my girls were able to meet her, even though they are so young. I am so thankful for the example that Bethany set for me. She knew how to live. She knew how to love. And she knew how to laugh. Oh, that laugh is unlike any other. I can still hear it. I love her laugh. It was so contagious. I remember one time watching tv at my house... we were probably about 11 years old. We decided to laugh as loud as we could and as hard as we could throughout the entire commercial break, every commercial break. Bethany was one of those people that could easily make you laugh with your belly. A real deep laugh that you can't control if you tried.

http://sylvan.tributes.com/our_obituaries/Bethany-Joy-Wyns-Midyette-94633080

With Bethany on my heart, today my heart is also heavy for the people affected by this horrible shooting in Conneticut. We live in a fallen world. We need Jesus. My heart is heavy for the family and friends affected by the loss of the young innocent children and teachers. We are not promised tomorrow. I know that now more than ever. Live every day as if it were your last. Live humbly and keep your spiritual eyes open. The Lord is going to return and we need to be ready. Our nation seems to always come together when tragedies like today happen, but when will we ever remember that we need to stay united that way every day and not just when something bad happens. This prayer shared by Max Lucado today is my heart's prayer throughout this Christmas season. At times this holiday season, it feels a little darker thinking Bethany is not with us this year. It won't be the same without her. 

"Dear Jesus,

It's a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.

These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.

The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. Ticked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?

Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod's jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.

Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.

Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won't you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.

This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.

Hopefully,
Your Children"

I hope you cling to your loved ones today and every day. I hope you are reminded that there is a Savior who gave His life for yours. I hope you are reminded to live humbly, live life to the fullest, live a life of joy. I know I cherish my life, my family, and my Jesus a little more.